No Access : Pussy temporarily out of order
(in other words: My 22 months of abstinence and relationship with sacred sexuality)
Let´s go back to my childhood/early teenage stage and have a look at the carefree girl I used to be: a very sensual person with lots of creative energy, who preferred hanging out around boys and felt safe to express these different sides of her.
Deeply rooted in her feminine essence, she didn´t care about other people´s opinion or their reaction towards her.
In puberty I lost this part of myself. When other women started to talk behind my back – calling me cheap and a whore for sleeping with all these men (which I actually never did) or scanned my body with a judgmental look in their eyes - I started to hide these parts of me in order to be liked by the other women.
Just because I felt this urge to be accepted by ´´ the female tribe´´ I locked up the open minded, entertaining, flirty Tanja – I dimmed my shining light.
The fear of being abandoned and at the same time feeling like a burden originates from the relationship with my mom and continued to dominate my behavior: for a long time I thought it is not safe to trust women, I just had very few female friends who really knew me.
Change of scene: I´m 19, just broke up with my first boyfriend (2,5 years, first sexual experience) on my way to Australia (backpacking for 1 year), ready to get this party started and expecting ´´free rides´´ every night :) And then reality hit me hard: 1 year of traveling, 0 sexual healing.
While the other girls around me were more open to one night stands, telling me I really had to get laid, I started to realize that I could not be intimate with a guy who did not check all of the boxes of my ´´four layer principle´´: the connection of heart, body, mind and soul.
Back home in Munich I ignored my intuition and forced myself to ´´finally´´ have a one night stand – it ended up in a fake orgasm (main actress: myself) in order to make him stop.
What followed was another abstinence of 1.5 years. But still – no lesson learned.
I tried again, just to fail again when ignoring my inner body alarm clock: When the guy was about to go down on me, my neck started to itch and it looked like I had been attacked by a swarm of mosquitos.
Consequence: Yoni and body shut down.
All these experience made me realize how connected I was to these 4 layers and how this fact prevented me from sleeping with many wrong guys. But at the same time I also felt different and like something was wrong with me- or why else could all the others have easy and satisfying sex without any issues?
But ladies, let´s be honest. Have you ever REALLY felt great after a one night stand? Like deep down happy, good and satisfied?
Most of the time we get reminded why ´´ walk of shame´´ is a perfect expression for the morning after, we have sex in order to compensate any lacks or we agree to it in order to get validation from the guy.
Being intimate with a man you don´t really know is very tricky because we immediately establish a deeper connection to him.
I truly believe (and that´s also a tantric belief) that the way to our yoni (sanscrit word for vagina) is through our heart.
But If theres no heart to heart connection our body won´t open up. And therefore every woman should honor her yoni, be in awe of her, and at the same time protect her because otherwise we store trauma in this sacred part of our body that can even cause health issues.
Why your sexual energy is your most powerful energy
Through the act of sex we exchange so much more than only body fluids – we absorb and give away our personal energy, our mood, thoughts and feelings.
And us women are the ones being very receptive not only physically, but especially emotionally.
And that´s where your self pleasure practice comes in! If you don´t have a cleaning ritual after the interaction, you might start to carry around a lot of foreign energy - without even being aware of it.
Especially when your body is not 100% open and receptive you might built up some tension in your sacred temple that might even store Trauma.
Therefore your self pleasure practice – for me it´s the sacred yoni egg and a crystal wand – is so powerful and important to release and cleanse these foreign energies.
For 22 months I banned all foreign energies and just stayed true to myself.
Being so focused on my path and my mission of creating the life of my dreams, I didn`t give in to my primal instincts like desire and lust, because I didn`t want any guy to take away my energy that didn't deserve it.
I finally understood that if there is no man that matched my standards, I would not waste my sacred energy on unavailable men who just kick me out of my flow.
I have to admit, this journey of healing and diving deep was sometimes very lonely and more than challenging - there were even moments where I doubted my worth as a woman and questioned my level of attraction.
But as soon as I stepped on this island of my dreams, I could feel this big shift.
It felt like turning into a magnet, I was like honey for bees and suddenly attracting men again. Since I was finally in alignment with myself, all the other things naturally fell into place.
At this point I realized that this period of self doubts, abstinence and focusing on my own energy was exactly what I needed to get there.
´´You can be a well fucked woman with or without a man´´
Kim Anami, a holistic sex and relationship coach, shares some great news for all of us: ´´ You can be a well fucked woman with our without a man!´´ So if there is no man who meets your standards, rely on yourself and get creative in exploring your body and sexual energy. (And sisters, I am not talking about that real quick – let´s get over it – 3 minutes vibrator session before going to sleep.)
You are craving physical touch and you think the only way to get it is from the outside?
Let me tell you this: Instead of hoping for Mr Right to show up, start to dive deep into your self pleasure practice.
Make it a priority to find out what really feels good for you. How can you expect somebody else to ´´f*ck you well´´ if you haven´t fully explored yourself?
The key to being this well fu*ked woman is a healthy realtionship with your sexuality and I want to inspire you to go on that discovery journey.
Throughout this journey of receiving pleasure, you´ll begin to learn how to satisfy yourself the way you really desire, explore your femininity and honor your body.
Dive deeper into the practice of tantra and for example try out different objects to touch your body with, like flowers or a feather. Turn yourself on before rushing on to your genitals to force an orgasm.
Enjoy a bubble bath with rose petals, light up some candles, put on your favorite music and take time and effort to prepare your sacred space.
And let me tell you from my personal experience: Your partner is not responsible for your orgasm and desire - I became this well-fucked woman myself before meeting my partner.
It empowers you on so many levels when you are fully connected to your yoni – and people can see and feel if a woman has that special radiant glow.
So be very picky with who you let into your energetic field- sexually and mentally- and do not wait any longer to take the first step towards exploring your personal self pleasure practice.
Once you step back into your feminine radiance, connected to your own sensuality, you´ll see how it changes everything.
In the end it´s not about the way your body or face looks – what really attracts a man is your personal relationship with yourself.
So instead of judging our body on its looks we should be in awe with it – what a miracle it is to be a woman and create lives – can you name a more goddess super power?
Written by Elisabeth Burkhardt
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